ElectionSnark (Special Political Dictionary Edition)
“Apology”, n. Formal statement required from any candidate who criticizes another candidate or who’s supporters criticize another candidate.
“Basher”, n. Any source that reports a negative story about a candidate that the writer likes.
“Biased”, adj. Any source that disagrees with the writer.
“Blue-collar”, adj. (R) Church-going salt of the earth. (D) Industrial union member.
“Bush”, n. (R) Albatross. (D) Hitler.
“Campaign finance reform”, n. Government regulation designed to cut off funds to the other party.
“Cheerleader”, adj. Any source that reports a positive story about a candidate that the writer dislikes.
“Diversity”, n. (R) Many versions of the same Bible. (D) Many colors, one viewpoint.
“Diplomacy”, n. (R) Appeasement. (D) Magic wand. (Syn: “negotiations”)
“Elitist”, adj. Educated.
“Endorsement”, n. Meaningless statement of support from an ex-candidate who is now angling for a appointed office instead of elected office.
“Free speech”, n. (R) Vital right of individuals to preach the Bible. (D) Vital right of individuals to comply with the campus speech code.
“Illegal immigrant”, n. (R) Dirty brown invader. (D) Potential Democratic voter.
“Landslide”, n. Any election the preferred candidate won.
“Middle class”, adj. (R) Saints who deserve tax cuts. (D) Saints who deserve tax cuts and handouts.
“Neocon”, n. Any person who disagrees with Glenn Greenwald.
“Objective”, adj. Any source that agrees with the writer. (Syn: “calls it as it is“)
“Poor”, adj. (R) Unable to provide campaign contributions. (D) Available pool of foot soldiers for marches and mass chanting; abstract target group for government programs designed to maintain the pool.
“Public servant”, n. (R) Leech. (D) Government union member.
“Racist”, adj. Anyone who disagrees with a racial minority candidate. (Syn: “bitter”)
“Rich”, adj. (R) The Deity with a checkbook. (D) The Devil with a checkbook.
“Sexist”, adj. Anyone who disagrees with a woman candidate.
“Sheep”, n. Anyone who thinks Ron Paul is a complete loonybird. (Syn: “hates the Constitution”, “hates freedom”)
“Spammer”, n. Ron Paul supporter.
“Squeaker”, n. Any election the preferred candidate lost.
“Swiftboat”, v. (R) Expose a pleasant truth about a candidate. (D) Expose an unpleasant truth about a candidate.
“Warmonger”, n. Any person who disagrees with Glenn Greenwald.
“White collar”, adj. (R) Professional. (D) Government union member.
Ohhh fun! Let me have a go:
Civil Liberties: (R) The right to walk into a preeschool with a loaded gun (D) The right to walk into a preschool dressed only in chaps.
Ron Paul: (R) A goofy spoiler (D) Democracy in action
Ralph Nader: (R) Democracy in action (D) A goofy spoiler
Unwarranted attack: Any attack made on me
Will of the voters: The standard that shows me as a winner
Vital Demographic: The one that votes for me (syn: Real Americans™)
Government interference: When the government prevents me from doing something I like.
Leadership: When the government prevents you from doing something I don’t like.
Al Gore: (R) Not even an Alpha Dog. (D) The Best we have!
Howard Dean; (R) LMAO! (D) The Best we have!
John Kerry: (R) Waffle house (D) The Best we have!
Hillary Clinton: (R) It’s a Cinton (D) Even we’re not saying she’s the best we have.